Thursday, May 24, 2012

Anti-Virus: #1 Tech Problem

Computer slow? If you had to drag around all your heavy-duty health monitors every where you went throughout the day, you know that would not be any easier for you. The solution is not more heavy-duty equipment upon every update available for each health-monitor. If you have anti-virus software installed, do not complain that your computer is not the most optimal. That is the #1 tech problem, and you probably heard the usual pitch for an entire new computer, which is also not the solution.

We already know the solution. You bought the computer, and that is not the problem. You acquired software for the computer, and that included anti-virus software, sooner or later. If you started with the bare-bones O/S, you know it was fast. Games, business, multi-media, audio-video, all installed, and it still was fast. You didn't think you needed any solution until somebody convinced you about vaccination.

We know people thought vaccination was the solution, and many did it. They installed the anti-virus software. They ran the scans. Everything seemed okay despite maybe random spy-ware found. You know it takes one to know one, so you know the problem.

Someone called the computer geeks about their problem. Of course, computer geeks are gods that fix everything, and they did. Everybody is happy until next week, another call. Someone figured the more the geeks charged, the better the fix. It is all about the fix, right? Week after week, month after month. Another call, another fix. The geeks always know the solution because it is fast while they are next to you.

“We can do that for you.” It hacked into your privacy, but you blamed one geek, so you got another geek. Did they ever say that the anti-virus software is the problem? Probably not, as they simple revert to the solution: they temporarily turned it off, so problem solved.

“Is that fast enough for you?” The geek stayed around long enough for what the call is worth. Usually that meant something on-the-side with the Internet that really had nothing to do with your computer. The computer and the Internet is all the same thing, right? Nobody argued with that.

Nobody argued with another fix until somehow they needed another computer. That also meant more geeks as all your files moved from the old machine to the new machine. With the brand new feel of the faster solution, everything seemed just right again.

I hate needles, and the above is quite morbid to me. I am not one of those geeks, yet I heard them blame me before for administrative privileges. If the geeks separate people, like me, away from end-users then geeks know they are in control of the market. My code exists in the kernel, the O/S, like Linux, Microsoft, and iOS, so, from that viewpoint, geeks and anti-virus software look the same to the kernel.

The other day, the show Undercover Boss was, on TV, about Diamond Resort. My heart skipped the beat when he complained about the archaic “filesystem” of paperwork. Let me compare that, I walked into one geek-tech office and asked “the simple question” about how-to boot into USB. The tech guy said the usual spin and treated me stupid, as I noticed one of their girls re-sort the paper file cabinet the entire time I as there. As they say, “speak of the devil!”

“If I wanted to break into the system,” like as if I looked stupid enough to break into computers with USB, I said, “I would just touch the page table,” like anti-virus software does with real-time scans.

“Yeee-ah, okay, sure dude.” That was his reply, as the girl immediately dropped everything and left the room. Maybe I lacked common sense, or, my gosh, maybe he thought she went to go get the “kuu-dee” spray.

"Many people wished to only die in their sleep, so we knew morning came from those wishes."
-- Cat In The Bag